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December 31st, 2006
07:49 pm - My new year's resolution
My resolution?
End this blog.
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December 3rd, 2006
06:10 pm - Not dead yet...
Okay, maybe I'm just going to go a a weekly super-blog post. Right now, I'm watching the end of the UCSB/UCLA NCAA finals in men's soccer. Looks ke the Gauchos are going to win. Woop. Man, I think one of the trainers is the guy who operated on my knee. Strange..
So, I've had a lot to talk about this week, but I'm going to focus on my toys.
Toy #1 My nano
As I've mentioned before, my ipod screen was getting wonky, I cracked the LCD screen, and eventually, my screen went kaput, and I was left with a glorified 4 Gig ipod shuffle. However, there are ways to get these things fixed, and getting even cheekier, I ended up on a site that allowed you to buy the LCD screen and do a DIY screen fix. Thinking that I
a) Hadn't used any sort of a fine-circuit manipulation skill since grad school
b) Had developed fine-circuit manipulation skills during grad school
c) Wanted to use said developed yadda yadda..
d) Wanted to save forty bucks and sending my ipod nano out
I ended up doing a DIY fix for those reasons, and I soon had my screen sent to me. And, if you've never opened you ipod nano, you're really not missing much. The hardest thing to do is to open up the damn case. I did that, and after a couple of attempts, I got the screen to work. Unfortunately, there was an orange glow on one side of the screen. Uh-oh. I emailed the company, and they were nice enough to send another new screen to me. Cool!
So, the moral of the story :
a) If you've got cleanroom skills, you can pretty much replace your own ipod battery or screen.
b) If you don't, and you know me, I'll hook you up
c) Doing this was much more satisfying than anything I've done at work
d) If you've got ipod issues, and don't want to trash it, check out http://www.kokopellimusic.us/ , they're legit and they've got good service.
Toy #2 : My car
In terms of being a new car, my car isn't. It is almost 3 years old, and not even halfway paid off. Yet, I've spent a lot of time over the past week and a half into getting a new car. My car is going to lose the warranty in about 3 months, I need about 1k in work (for tires and a 30K mile tuneup) and I can still get a decent trade-in for my current car. Last week I came *this* close to going and looking at cars, specifically 2006 subaru imprezas and minis. Yes, I almost bought a mini. Right now, I'm currently obsessed with trying to get a Saab 9-3. Similar to my car, and I might be able to get a sweet deal. We'll see how this plays out. Either way, I've given my number to way too many car salesmen, and that's a lot like having condomless sex while on vacation in Namibia. If you consider the analogy of a penis to your voice message center to be a valid one. I'm sure that I'll continue to obsess over this decision for the next month...
Toy #3 : PSP
Ever since I've had a real job, I've always bought myself my own cool gift around christmastime. 3 years ago it was my first ipod. 2 years ago, it was a set of decks. Last year, nano christmas to me. This year, I got myself a PSP. I think this is the only way to really get what you want for Xmas. Unless you want to rely on someone else's taste, I know the person I'm giving gifts to isn't going to be happy this year.. I originally got excited about getting one when I saw that they were on sale at Wal Mart on black friday. I went to the mart, and they were out. Damn. However, the same day, my new online cool-shopping website was running a promotion, and I ended up getting a PSP from them. The site is jellyfish.com, and they have the obsessive smack-of-the-day. Much like woot, where there is a deal with a limited supply and time, the smack of the day is also cool as a spectator sport. The price is fixed, but a rebate which is a percentage of the purchase price, rises as the time goes by. So, if you wait longer, you get more money back, but you also risk the product being out. Mucho fun.
Anyways, I ended up getting a sweeter deal on the PSP from this site than I would've at walmart. I've had the thing for about a week now, and i must say that I can't imagine why I'm not seeing these things everywhere. For about 2/3 the price of an ipod video, you get a better screen, WiFi, good gaming, the works! (Okay, so the WiFi is rather slow, but I can check my email on the damn thing) I love it, with the exception that my hands aren't used to the small screen just yet.
I'm kind of having a gamin renaissance, and I might have to make a Wii a part of my personal Xmas gift next year.
That is, if I haven't bought the Saab...
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November 21st, 2006
06:07 pm - Fish, or cut bait eh?
Oh, yeah. The whole blog thing is still here. I've kind of been ignoring the blog for the following reasons.
a) I've been busy as hell, getting home late, and in more of a mood to not blog
b) Nothing is interesting right now
c) I can't grasp at creative straws
d) I'm a lazy fuck
Okay, moreso (d) than any of the above options, but (a)-(c) certainly do have some artistic merit.
I'm doing this at work now (work! Quelle horreur!) while some simulations are buzzing in the background, and I'm wiling away the time until I can go to Five Guys and then go curl. I think shutting down this whole blog business has been in my mind for the past couple of weeks, but I'm still clutching to some sort of possibility of keeping this up. I'll give it the ol' college try for the next month or so, but don't be surprised if I have some sort of '07 resolution which encompasses 'do not blog'. It would be some sort of fitting symmetry, what with the stopping (although unofficial) of blogging partners who independently started to blog when I did, so it would give me a good excuse. I do still sometimes feel the need to write something, if only to keep my writing skills up, but I'm nowhere near the number of good stories I used to have. I guess I could bitch and moan about work, but the only thing more boring than scientists is a scientist bitching about their job. Its like stripping the only interesting thing out about a person until they're just live everybody else.
I guess I still have some sort of dream that I can be this hipster writer and compose essays that link popular culture, debauchery and quantum physics, you know, kind of like a Chuck Klosterman - but with quantum physics and a lot less musical snobbery. I figure that being someone who can say something like "And Heisenberg's uncertainty principle allows us to say that" and actually know what I'm talking about would give me some credence. The big rub is that _I_ (and a few readers) know that the uncertainty principle is nothing philosophically profound, (rather it is a mathematical consequence of two operators having a non-zero commutator) but people want their quantum physics to have some sort of overarching consequence in their daily life. Nope, sorry, just math. I ran into this rut before when the creators of Lebowski Fest had an open call of academic papers, and I tried to come up with some sort of a physics angle, and I couldn't. I think this will probably keep me off of the bookshelves for now; that and a propensity for run-on sentences and misplaced semicolons.
Tangent #1 to the last paragraph:
I remember first learning about commutation operations around the time of the great OJ trial, and I came up with the expression "If they don't commute, you must compute". I still smile at my cleverness whenever I think of that joke
Tangent #2:
Really, that isn't my dream. My dream 2 nights ago was that I was driving up a snowy mountain in my car, and when I reached the summit, the road was gone, and I tumbled through the snow and ended up in a nuclear reactor that I had to escape through some funky ladder-like system. That was my real dream.
So, maybe I will keep the blog, but try to devise devilish little essays that link post-modern media with string theory. Or maybe not. I know about as much about string theory as Mr T knows about subtlety.
So, what has happened in my life over the past week?
Let's get a list going, so I can touch on these events, and not forget about any of them.
I :
1)Spent too much time watching the public television auction
2)Met up with Heather and Matt (and Will) from grad school
3)Ate good pizza
4)Saw a sneak peek of the new Tenacious D movie.
Let's go through these in reverse order : because I have more to say about the top things than the bottom things.
4) Yeah, I saw the movie. If you're not familiar with the "D", ignore this section. If you are, then only try to see this movie for free. Go pay for 'Borat', and then sneak in. It wasn't supremely awful, but Jack Black brought more of a bored expression to my face than an actual smile. Sure, I laughed, but I felt bad about it afterwards, kind of like that time in 8th grade when the geeky kid peed his pants.
3) I used to believe that good pizza only came from Chicago, or possibly my oven. I'm not particularly fond of the floppy, soggy mess that passes for pizza on this coast. However, I went out for some pizza that was hailed as the best in the capital region, and I swear that this pizza was probably the best thin-crust pizza I've had in my life. Rarely do you eat something transcendentally good, and usually that something comes placed on a gold-rimmed plate and contains words like "braised", "reduction" and "milk-fed". Rarely does it come out of a cardboard box. However, this time it did, and this pizza will make me fat (again). I forsee it. Seriously. I can't overemphasize this : visit me, and I will change your worldview on pizza.
2) I met up with H&M&W at Saratoga's oldest mexican restaurant. It is also Saratoga's most difficult to find mexican restaurant and Saratoga's closest restaurant to the racino. That's a trifecta! And that's a racing term! How meta! Anyway, for a while there the four of us were there in all of our blond-haired blue eyed glory, looking like the perfect meeting for the aryan youth chapter of Upstate NY. When we weren't discussing how to further our recessive genes into the pool, we talked a lot about work. I was interested in Matt's faculty search, and they were interested in things at my industry job. I was kind of confused as to why they had a bunch of questions until I realized that out of our academic sphere, I'm the rare person who is in industry, and not in academia. I'm much more interested in hearing about the faculty job search because it is alien to me. I look back on all of the people I knew in grad school, and I guess everybody is doing well in academia which is good. I always had these awful visions about being the guy who had a PhD, yet bagged groceries for a living. It is almost as bad to know someone who went this pos-doctoral route as well, and I'm just happy that everybody is doing okay and not wearing an apron at Von's. It still seems kind of surreal to me that all these people I know will soon be professors, but I think what's more amazing is the across-the-board success of my peers. You always hear of some brilliant person falling off the wagon (from High School to college and beyond), but I can't think of anybody from the UCSB crew with a PhD and shattered dreams. (And if you do know someone, don't tell me, because I want to keep this utopian image in my head).
1) The coolest thing this weekend is that I spent almost all of it watching the public TV auction. For those of you unfortunate souls whose public TV stations only have 'pledge drives' and not auctions. To best describe the auction : imagine if ebay consisted of only gift certificates to local establishments, gifts/knickknacks of local origin and tickets to events. Now, imagine every auction lasted exactly 5 and a half minutes, and consisted of 8 items that fit into one of the above descriptions. Voila! You have the auction. Our haul consisted of :
(1) One 25 dollar gift certificate to Ali-Baba restaunt (price 16 dollars)
(2) One 'Lifetime alignment' certificate from Firestone Tires for lifetime alignments (price 75 dollars)
(3) eight bottles of local Brut sparkling win (price 50 dollars)
So, for the grand total of 141 dollars, we can get a decent meal, get ripped to the tits and not worry about the car pulling to one side when driving home. That's a bargain and a half. No, more like a bargain and two-thirds!
Now, 3 items doesn't seem like a whole lot when you consider that I watched this thing for about 13 hours on Friday and Saturday, but the auction was just too damned exciting. I still don't know what it says about the taste of consumers when the only things going for more than face value were gift certificates to the Olive Garden. I'm going to let that one slide for now, but I think it means a whole lot more pizza for me.
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November 13th, 2006
09:32 pm - No curling tonight...
I've got another 2 weeks off before I skip next in curling, so I'm practicing my mentalk edge by drinking beer and watching football.
I told myself that since I'll skip, I won't be one of those crazy yelling skips. That lasted all of 10 minutes before I started with the 'SWEEP' call. In fact, I prefer "Yeah Yeah Yeah" when asking my team to sweep, but I can see how that is confusing since I might be yelling for a rock band. Perhaps I can yell "!!!" instead.
So, what did I do this past weekend? Well, I finally saw a movie since I saw 'Little miss Sunshine', and I saw 'Borat'. Hi-larious. I laughed my scrotum off.
If you'll allow me to be one of the last people on Earth to make observations about the movie :
I enjoyed the previews, especially the Reno 911! Trailer. I am so there. However, there was also a trailer for Mel Gibson's new movie, Apocalypto. Interesting, but when you considered the other movies previewed were goofy comedies, it seemed out of place. Until you realized that it resonated with the anti-semitism of Borat.
The movie, though not terribly enlightening, excels at just about every form of comedy : satire, physical comedy and sharp jokes. I'm just amazed at Cohen's ability to stay in character constantly , and that's what makes a lot of this movie remarkable.
It is a polarizing movie; you will either love it or hate it. If you read the nytimes comments to the review, you'll see this in full force...
http://movies2.nytimes.com/mem/movies/review.html?res=9905EED8133FF930A35752C1A9609C8B63
I'm not making generalizations about who you need to be to like the movie, but make this more entertaining when if you read the comments imagine that the * comments were given by a WASPY upper-west side socialite who pays people $20/hr to walk her shar-pei.
And imagine the ***** comments were written by a hipster who wears a Che tshirt 3 days out of the week, and American Apparel the other 4. Oh, and he smokes pot. Lots and lots of pot.
Hey, this is a fun game to play!
Now, go to the Diner's Journal blog and read the contentious comments about Gordon Ramsay's new restaurant!
http://dinersjournal.blogs.nytimes.com/?p=148#comments
And come up with your own blustery Manhattan stereotypes. SO far, I've got a corpulent lawyer who walks with a cane and monocle, a starving waitress who spends her evenings in a performance dance troupe, and many 40-year old housewives who spend too much time ogling pictures of Frank Bruni and diving into the cooking sherry to keep her 'rosy' complexion.
Does anybody else do this kind of stuff, or am I just mad?
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November 9th, 2006
10:18 pm - Hell yeah!
You know early in the baseball season when really sucky teams win a few games and are in first place for like.. a day? This is sort of the same thing
I don't care if it is early in the season, I'm number one baby!
Okay, so this season is early going, but I'm gonna milk this. There are another 3 weeks until we play another game in this league..
As can also be seen, I have moved up in the curling eschelon, from 'lead' to 'skip', so I'm essentially now the guy that yells at other curlers and makes strategy. I ended up winning my first game, despite missing a whole lot of shots when the team I was playing missed a lot more. I'm doing this to bring a team to a bunch of 'newbie' tournaments. It'll be a whole lot of fun.
Especially if I stay in first place...
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November 7th, 2006
08:33 pm - Hey hey!
So, I'm back. I must say, when I have zero free time, the blog tends to get thrown by the wayside. And WHY do I have such little free time, you may ask? I wish it were something interesting, but really, it is curling. Lots of curling.
Since I haven't posted since oh.. October, I've got a few stories to tell. Now, I guess I'm going to go on a Halloween-related rant, but just imagine that it was a week ago, and this shit was still germane. Hell, Jay Leno still tells OJ jokes, the 10 of you can deal with a Halloween anecdote. (I'll totally make up for it by telling a kick-ass election day anecdote!)
It being the first halloween in the new pad, we had absolutely no idea how many kids would show up. I don't even think the managers of the complex knew how many would show up, either. We grabbed 3 bags of candy and hoped for the best. Now, I'm a firm believer in the 'points system' for giving away candy. If the kid is there, and dressed up, that's a point. If the kid says 'trick or treat', that's a point. If the kid looks like they're having fun, that's another point. Two points, and they get TWO pieces of candy. 3 points, and.. well.. I don't think I've ever seen three points before. I dunno. Uh.. let's just say they get to reach in my pocket and get some money, Bob Barker style.
There were lots of points missing this Halloween. I think about half of the kids even said 'trick or treat', and the other half had costumes that consisted of nothing but an afro wig.
Seriously, not to sound like an 80 year old crumedgeon, but what the fuck is wrong with these kids? I think it was 20 years ago that I dressed like Ben Franklin with my sisters (one of whom was dressed as a Michigan Rummy board, you decide which was the geekier costume) and was happy to go door to door and eat delicious smarties, stupdenous bottlecaps, mediocre candy corn and crappy black and orange taffies that were chucked at the cat.
So, why is there so little effort? Did other people notice the kids with the not-so-good costumes? I think a greater meritocracy must be in effect for other halloweens. I think next year I'm going to have to keep 2 bowls of candy. The first would be filled with peanut butter cups and snickers. The second will be filled with slo-pokes, milk duds and mary janes. I’ve got to start a revolution somehow!
This Sunday, I had the fun time of going to the Packer game in Buffalo. It started out as kind of a lark, as I knew a couple of the other guys at the curling club were Packer fans, and.. well.. Buffalo was only 5 hours away. They only maimed an opposing fan a couple of weeks ago in the Stadium parking lot. What could go wrong?
Well, nothing really went wrong, which doesn’t make for an interesting story. We had a great time, and tailgated our litt hearts out. After being in a game at Buffalo, I can say that even though it isn’t the smallest city that has an NFL team, it sure tries to act like it. The drive there was one of lengthy anticipation. We stopped at a few rest stops, and came across many packer fans in the rest stops. Woop! The tailgating atmosphere was a good one. I got to learn about it when I was dropped off early to get more beer, and I ran the gauntlet through the parking lot, as I had to clutch a 12 pack of beer wearing a packer jersey through Bills territory. I only had to pawn off 2 of them to save my life. Finally, the brats went on the grill, but only after realizing we forgot to bring a lighter. Ooops. Major tailgating faux pas.
The game itself was good, despite the Packer loss. I was prepared to deal with hostile fans – belligerent fans, but the fans were rowdy, gave me a deserved hard time, and we had a good time. The common taunt to a packer fan is to say “Fudge Packer” or some sort of equivalent. I used all of my ad-libbing skills when confronted by one fan :
“Yo! What is a Packer anyways?”
Me : “It’s a guy that takes his meat and puts it in a box!”
That got a good chuckle from the people around. Rule #1 when watching a game in enemy territory ; don’t be a jerk, but be funny. It helped to break the ice, and probably one of the best jokes I’ve made after drinking 10 Miller Lites.
I finally did vote today in New York. The great thing about NY is that the voting apparatus is archaic. They’re the only state that still uses the old lever machines, and I was faced with the embarrasing possibility not knowing how to vote. Fortunately, I was able to figure it out, and it helped that the entire process is kind of like playing a slot machine. I can get behind all kinds of things that make voting closer to gambling. Maybe I need to move to Arizona, eh?
The first interesting thing is that the polling place was at the local Jewish Community Center. I always get self conscious when I walk into these places, and it doesn’t help that I have to give them my last name and spell it out for them. I had to make sure that there wasn’t a trap door beneath me for when I pulled the lever. Sucks being blond sometimes…
Second, I am disappointed that I didn’t get to vote in the most contentious race. In Albany, we’ve seen increasingly attacking ads for a race between John Sweeney and Kirstin Gillenbrand. For a quiz, which of the following were not featured in attack ads :
a)Kirsten made children cry
b)Kirsten gives puppies cancer
c)John Sweeney’s a wife beater
d)John Sweeney eats unborn fetuses
The answers? (b) and (d) These ads were getting ridiculous. However, I committed a teensy bit of voter fraud, and voted outside of my district, so I didn’t get to vote for Gillenbrand. Damn.
Oh, well. Now I need to do all of my other chores for the evening…
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October 30th, 2006
09:48 pm - The weekend that wasn't...
As I was all excited to get into my project runway inspired costume, I had to deal with the fact, that.. well.. I couldn't talk. Going to a party and not being able to talk is kind of like driving without legs (Alex Zanardi excluded).... you're unable to really do anything. So, I missed the halloween revelries this year. Oh, well. Only 365 more days until a kick-ass costume next year. I was thinking about dressing up for work. There were a bunch of recycling bins placed around the hallways ove the weekend and I wanted to dress up in a fuzzy green suit, and pop out of one. Alas, I think the Oscar the Grouch costume will have to wait.
I've really enjoyed Halloween the past couple of years, mainly for 2 reasons :
1) I'm now an extrovert
2) I had a kick-ass costume
The extrovert part is interesting. 10 years ago, I couldn't bear to point attention to myself at a party, but those days are over. Also, having a good costume is great. I think there's a lack of creativity amongst the youth of America. "ooh, I'll go as the crocodile hunter!" Yawn.
Then again, when I get lazy, I'll just order one of these shirts and call it a day..
That laryngitis was a trick, but there were a couple of treats!
Treat!
I got a raise today. Small, but a raise nonetheless. I'm considering it karmic Ipod payback.
I also got named to skip a league curling team. This will be with the crazy Navy guy. Expect more as the season goes on. Our first match will be a week from today, but I think he's going to miss that.
I also bought tickets to the Packer game in Buffalo this weekend. We found a Ebay buy it now guy with a decent price (and not way overpriced like so many of them). The forecast calls for snow flurries. The over/under on when I take my shirt off in a fit of unbridled joy? 3rd minute of the 2nd quarter.
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October 26th, 2006
07:16 pm - I am falling apart
I've been battling a bit of a sore throat over the past week, but nothing prepared me for Wednesday morning when I woke up with zero voice. Wow. I've never had laryngitis, but it is rather unpleasant. I feel 90% normal, but when I talk, I end up sounding like a wheezy septugenarian. While it isn't good for talking, it is good for getting out of work. I took a half day yesterday to have the doctor look at it, and while I didn't enjoy the 15 dollar deductible for the diagnosis of "Yup, you can't talk, you should in about a week", I'll happily pay that money to get off of work for 1/2 of a day. i've got to be a little more cost-conscious at the doctor's office, though. While I was there, she offered me a flu shot, gratis. I didn't take it. Huh? I immediately regretted that decision. Oh, well. She did give me a prescription for cough medicine, and let's just say that Vodka & codeine has replaced vodka & red bull as the drink du month at casa de tizzed.
What else is falling apart? My nano. Makes me sad, but the screen got cracked. Googling the phenomenon seems to show that this isn't an isolated thing...bah!
Before I lost my voice, I curled for the first time, and lets just say that curling shoes are the curling shizznozzle! It will be an interesting year. I'm angling to skip a team this year, although I didn't choose my partner wisely. He's a Navy guy and he's a little.. uh.. intense. Some people might be thinking that his intensity would match my intensity that I used to show on the softball field, but I've mellowed, and I'm typically drunk/mellow when curling. He's already trying to get me to go to USclub championships. Slow down there, buddy...
What else is going on? Not much. I'm trying to get tickets to see the Packers in Buffalo - we'll see how that goes. Immediately, I'm trying to see how I can move when the cat is currently sleeping in my crotch. I want some kettle corn, dammit!
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October 23rd, 2006
08:16 pm - working after the weekend..
So, now that the hubub (or is it hubbub?) from PR has subsided, I can get sucked into their new reality TV show. Yup, it is Top Chef time! And, wouldn't you know it, they kick of the girl I've developed my reality-TV crush for in the FIRST episode! Plah! Well, apparently she couldn't cook her way out of a wet paper bag, so maybe it is okay. The show looks like they're trying to cast the exact same people as last year (black guy? check... brusque lesbian? check Metrosexual/overconfident egomaniac? You bet your ass check). Since first impressions are everything, I'll save you 10 weeks, and tell you that Betty, Emily and Ilan make the final three. That's my guess.
So, what to do this weekend? Well, since I couldn't bet over the internet, I headed to the casino to play some more poker. I sat down at the Omaha table at noon, and pretty much lost track of time until 10 in the evening. Yipes. I'm learning more about the game as I play, and I can definitely hold my own. The only thing I don't like is tipping. I didn't tip too much at the table - mostly because the pots just aren't huge. Am I supposed to drop a dollar after I make 8 dollars from splitting the pot? I definitely tip on a scooped pot, but definitely not on a quartered. Oh, well.. I guess the dealers won't like me a whole lot..
Sunday was spent.. back at the curling club! The ice is back in, and I went to do an open house. Yee-haw! I'm even playing in a little spiel tomorrow. I'm going to enjoy playing more, and getting better, but I'm already starting to not enjoy the politics that go along with everything. Maybe I'll see if I can talk the guy into letting me run a blog for the curling club. That'd be sweet. Not too many curling bloggers out there.. I can try and get some decent sponsorships or something...
Big dog & pony show at work today. Our esteemed senator Clinton stopped by Niskayuna to give a speech about renewable energy. I was expecting a surprise visit to my office (since I actually have a critical task on a solar energy project) so I spent a little less time on deadspin and gawker today than normal.. but not that much..
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October 18th, 2006
10:52 pm - Live blogging Project Runway!
Okay, so I'll be doing some notes as the show goes on. I'll also be sure to post such things as how much I manage to annoy my girlfriend by typing away and pausing the TiVo. The *pause* feature is such a wonderful thing. Not only does it allow you to have a discussion without missing anything, but you can also pause it to get details about Jeffrey's neck tattoo (which I'll be taking extra special mention of for costume purposes), but it is also nice when they show an email that someone on the screen is reading, and you can read the whole email... (this is especially nice during Real World episodes when one character is having a fight with their significant other)
So, I'm fully dropping my *straight* card for the rest of the night...er.. maybe the next hour..
Oooh. Quick update.. I googled "Jeffrey Sebelia Neck tatoo detroit" and it told everything that was on it.
Last time on PR : Jeffrey gets held down by the accountants! Receipts! Damn!
10:03 Is it wrong of me to want Jeffrey to punch Laura in the stomach? Just for.. overpopulation purposes...
10:05 Okay, so the blubbering Jeffrey was due to happiness.. or else he really liked those damn shorts.
Reciepts? Budgets? What the hell? Is this Project Runway or Louis Rukeyser?
10:08 - Tim gives the 'you're all winners speech'. I attended many awards ceremonies where i heard this vapid speech in the past. I even remember the academic decathlon "Dan Jansen" speecy, which brought the genre to a new low. Can we can the whole "You're all winners" No! The other three will all be losers, probably less succesful than the winner, and Malan for chrissakes.
10:10. Is that a runway? Or did they just put a white slip n' slide in a tent? I know it is temporary and all, but they seriously just taped some hefty bags on the ground!
10:12 We got a commercial for Barbie. Barbie? Are there any 11 year old girls up this late, or was this just a tie in for the one guy who designed for Barbie dolls?
10:16 I see the Tressemee salon, and the L'Oreal makeup room, but where is the Macy's accessory wall dammit!!
10:18 Nice to see that Laura married Mark Twain's great grandson...
And heeeeeere's Jeffrey! Jumping for joy as only a 5 foot 3 idiot can...
"Her first dress looks like a tablecloth" (That's the red & white one currently displayed on other blogs) notes the gf. Followed by "She looks pregnant"
I dunno. I think the music really complements this collection. All faux 'The Cure' & shit.
And it is over. 2 months of work, all displayed in 3 minutes. That's kind of pathetic. At least I can drag out a 30 minute powerpoint slide every 3 months or so...
10:22 Uli starts out with music that can only described as "uliesque'
Uli decdes that silver lame is the new black.
At least she used Amanda, aka the hot model, aka the crazy model...
10:25 You can tell who the cool people are in the room - they're wearing sunglasses indoors..
10:29 Laura tells a joke that completely doesn't go over...
Her philosophy is apparently to make women go back to fashions and spending too much time on clothing. Pretty soon they'll be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. Or pregnant and in 4 inch heels..
Apparently her husband shops for ties at the same store as my dad....
And he's probably also related to Professor Plum.
10:32 And out comes Michael Knight. Well, he's not OUT per se, but its only a matter of time.
Hopefully street safari perks things up, because this has been kind of a boring show, honestly.
Well, the barbarella suit was pretty hot, but all in all, I'm more interested in whether or not the Mets widened their lead at this point...
Before this, I heard that one collection stood out. Really? One did? I think I maybe learned a little bit about fashion watching this show, and I hope that I developed some sort of fashion pallete, but honestly, I can't for the life of me differentiate this stuff!
10:40 Out of all of those prizes, which do you think they care about most? I think the obvious answer is the 100k, but maybe they'd really really like the saturn...
10:43 Okay, pleasantries over - they bitch-slap Laura for being the same. Thank you, come again
10:44 Damn, Fern and Kors totally rip apart Michael! When you're taking shit from a woman named 'Fern', you can't come back from that. Ever. He looks like a scolded child...
10:47 The only criticism for Jeffrey is the accounting snafus... he'll be one of the last to sweat.. Meanwhile Uli is being semi-lauded. This is looking like all Jeffrey right now..
10:50 As the judges discuss, the 1-2-3-4 will be Sebelia, Uli, Laura and Michael. Mark it down.
10:56 Geez... get it over with already.. Michael is #4.. as predicted..
And Laura falls into line. I'm good at this stuff.
Or I've watched too much reality TV.
And the winner is.....Jeffrey!
Cool, my costume gets some validation, and the gf goes "I'm not watching this show anymore"
I feel the bad guy has to win once in a while, right?
Okay - I need to sleep and have Tivo pick up top chef...
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October 17th, 2006
01:27 am - Is this thing still on?
Oh.. its been a week? Boy oh boy... have I had a week...
Not really. In fact, it has been the most boring football weekend all year. Sure, part of that has to do with the fact that it was because the Packers didn't play this weekend, but the larger part of that is due to the fact that I stopped gambling on football over the internet.
I funded my account the 7th of September, to place money on Miami in the Pittsburgh/Miami game that opened up the season. The website was innundated with similarly minded folks, and I couldn't lose the cash. I then proceeded to turn my 300 bucks into about 675 within 11 days, mostly because I was killing on baseball during the week. College football kicked my butt, and I was down to my last hundred or so when Scott Verplank brought me back by winning some in the Ryder cup. I finished off by betting on some hockey (taking advantage of pucklines that were way off after the first week of the season) and I ended up a 30-something day odyssey up a whopping 2 dollars. What fun.
The reason I cashed out had nothing to do with the fact that it was kind of running my life (oh, its a Saturday? I have to get to a TV to see if Washington is going to cover that 19 point spread!) rather due to the fact that the US government made internet gambing even more super-secret double probabtion illegal. My betting is small peanuts, especially compared to all of the internet poker players out there. There is much hand wringing by these guys on the internet right now, and the Republicans have pissed off the wrong people : degenerate gamblers. It'llbe interesting to see how this bloc affects the elections in a couple of months.
I was going to get a nice gambling fix this weekend by hitting up some casino poker, but turns out there's a big poker to-do this weekend, probably not unpredicated by the poker sites folding.
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Other stuff? Not much. Halloween is coming up, and I need a good costume. I have 2 ideas. My first idea is Slim Goodbody. It would take a tan bodysuit, and a good artist in order to do it. Probably too difficult. My second costume is Jeffrey Sebelia. That would be easy. Hipster clothing, black hair and a faux neck tattoo. Plus, I'd hold my neck back all night as if I had no chin. This is a do-able costume, but the dying of the hair would be the biggest deterrent.
Now I have to wait 2 days to see why he was blubbering on TV.
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October 10th, 2006
12:59 am - Indian Summer....
Today was a beautiful day, and while the bulk of Albany got the day off for Columbus Day, I was stuck in my office. However, it only took 30 minutes before I was at work, and a co-worker decided to email me and ask me to play golf instead of work. I shook off the initial puritan guilt, and decided to hit the links. In the end, it was such an easy decision - golf and gambling or work? I knew I made the right choice when I birdied the first hole.
Oh, well. I've got some flex time to make up this week, but then again it'll also be 60 and rainy.
The weekend was nice, which featured the following things :
1) I bought a faux-velvet black blazer for 10 bucks.
2) I ate myself beyond silly
3) I gambled on many a football game
4) I became further depressed by the state of SNL (I think the 'big wigs' sketch was perhaps the nadir of the show in its history)
Exciting, no?
And just as an insight into my state of mind, here are the current shows I am TiVoing
1) The Soup
2) Studio 60 on the sunset strip
3) Pity the Fool, the Mr T reality show
4) Project Runway
By the way, what the eff is going on with Project Runway? Seriously. Its been a month since someone was kicked off, and they showed crazy designs and models. Now, they've got a 2 part finale? Pssshhh.. I'm disappointed, and I needs me my fix...
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October 4th, 2006
08:36 pm - How to save SNL... part 2
But isn't is shameful that the only memorable moments out of the show going live are 1) singer screw ups and 2) actor screw ups? Really, it doesn't have anything to do with the comedy. When it started out live, it had an edgy connotation, as in "anything can happen" nobody can censor us! And really, the most dramatic only-can-happen-live moments are way, way, way past us. Live does give the opportunity for an unexpected celebrity cameo (my favorite being the Deniro/Pesci walkon during the brilliant 'Joe Pesci Show' sketch), but I don't think a celebrity wants anything to do with SNL these days (Dane Cook? As the host? For the first show of the season? Yeeeeikes! Methinks Mr Cook will have a similar career arc to a Mr. Rob van Winkle)
I haven't worked out the whole 'musical guest' matrix in the pre-recorded/live thing, but it can be solved with maybe having 3-5 live sketches bookending stuff.
As for Weekend Update, I just think that the concept has to be a lot more.. something. I have no issue with Mr Meyers being a joke-teller (I laughed hard at the 'Gimme a Reason Bert') but the jokes are dead. They're dead because we get 5 hours of the same stuff every week, done better by Mr Stewart and Mr Colbert. The jokes on weekend update are about as edgy and funny as a Jay Leno monologue. Occasionally, you can have a guest diversion which will save the farm, but Darrell Hammond dragged out his moneymaker Clinton impression once again (you could practically see the hyenas waiting to eat that carrion offstage) for a boring, overlong segment where he hits on Condi. (Aside, I heard some of Hammond's standup on XM, and it sucked just as hard as his SNL stuff) To save weekend update, they've got to do SOMETHING to differentiate themselves. Up until the 90's they WERE the niche, but now they play 4th banana to Stewart, Colbert and Maher, and maybe even 5th banana to their doppelgangers on studio 60. Overall, Seth is still gotta be seething over the presidential election, since he had the Kerry gig secured for 4 years, and then lost it. Now he just totes around a grey wig and calls himself 'Anderson Cooper' every once in a while.
I think one of the problems is the direction the comedy is going. I think they're all trying to emulate the over-the-top Ferrell style of comedy, but they can't do it. Forte is in (and writes from what I gather) a lot of absurd sketches, but he really can't deliver on them too well (I think the "Wake up Duluth" sketch is a good example). I do like the Sudekis/Wiig assholes characters, although they've got to differentiate the sketches better. Wiig's Target checkout lady? I don't get it. I don't even see potential comedy there....
NBC.com has a decent SNL video archive, and you can look at the good sketches from years past as opposed to today. Its a good thing to see these things side-by-side, and you can see that from 1975-1995 the classic comedy sketches all kind of had a similar vein. Much like the family circus can be described as one of three types (1) Kids say silly things, huh? 2) Let's see where Billy walked and 3) The rare 'Not me' and 'Ida Know') a succesful SNL sketch can be descibed in one of the following formulas. (note : recurring characters are excluded, because they are, with few exceptions, rarely funny)
1) Celebrity ridiculousness:
From the lampooning of stars to sing a song to get Michael Jordan unretired to buckwheat being killed, you've got to portray celebrities correctly. Good examples : Ferrell's Neil Diamond
Recent Success : Al Pacino checks his balance, which owes a huge debt to "Christopher Walken for Skittles" but, hey.. it worked.
2) 2 unrelated things come together
E. Buzz Miller on art. The George F Will Sports Machine. 2 great tastes don't taste great together, but are funny...
Recent Successes : uh... I can't think of any
3) Game Shows
Come on. Such an easy concept to make funny. From 'Geek Dweeb or Spazz' to 'Who's more Grizzled' a game show is 99% chance of hilarity. And when Celebrity Jeopardy combines 1 and 3, very funny, indeed.
Recent Successes : Science Schmience.. oh, wait. That wasn't SNL.
Yes, there are exceptions to all of the above rules, but these are guidelines. I think my favorite sketch of the past 5 years was probably the Jack Black/Wine taster sketch, which took the spit take to previously untested levels. It didn't fit into any of the above categories - it was just well written and superbly acted, and that's been rare.
I think most of the sketches nowadays try to center around some eccentric central character who drives the action. The only problem? The audience finds this character annoying and not funny 99% of the time. Occasionally, they'll do some basic sketch which works (the MySpace sketch with Julia Louis-Dreyfus comes to mind) but most of the time, they don't (all other sketches come to mind, but for argument's sake I'll go with Dane Cook's sweater sketch from last year)
In a nutshell, they need to concentrate on just getting good comedy, and going back to their roots if they need to. They don't have to define comedy, they just need to be funny. When they can't even properly satirize James Frey, they're in trouble...
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October 2nd, 2006
09:39 pm - How to fix SNL
I'm sitting around, watching the Packers hold close with the Eagles, which will absolutely destroy my night. Crap. Ima gonna be a tired tiger tomorrow. Oh, well..
I caught the premiere of SNL this weekend, mostly out of some sort of nostalgic obligation than anything else, and of course the show proceeded to suck donkey balls. The show wasn't neccessarily UNFUNNY per se, as the possibility of funny existed in many of the sketches, and was actually realized in a couple of sketches. (Bill Hader's Pacino impression, which is apparently dusted off for the season premieres) And, with shows like studio 60 and 30 rock now on the air lampooning the lampooner, the onus is on SNL this year to prove that they can be a premiere source of social satire (which they were for the 80's and some of the 90's) and not just an anachronism that has done a jete over some cartilage skeletoned fish. So, the question remains : why can't this show be funny on a regular basis? What can be done to replace the show back to something that should be watched as opposed to sitting in Tivo queues until some episode of 'My Super Sweet Sixteen' comes on?
#1) Don't make it 'Live' anymore
I know how the show has the word 'Live' in the damn title, but maybe they can do something like KFC did a few years ago to avoid any association with the word 'fried' (or was it the word 'chicken'?) and just shorten it to SNL. What is happening is that the show is suffering from the pressure of being live. George Bush does some sort of insignificant thing during the week, and the writers feel the need to squeeze out a mediocre sketch from it. The game has changed since 1990. South Park is the gold standard for social satire, and even though the satire isn't the most sharp on TV (that title belongs to The Simpsons), they've showed the ability to take something and turn it around into an animated show in less than a week. SNL hasn't shown the chops to be able compete, maybe they need more time than the live show demands. If something funny happens on Thursday, they've already got 2/3 of the show in the can, and can concentrate on 1 sketch better. Look, nobody tunes into SNL because it is live. People didn't think 'Lucky Louie' was any funnier because it was semi-live. You can still have the people cracking up, but the schedule makes it less lenient towards adding topical info.
#2) Ditch Weekend Update
Dennis Miller was the king. Norm MacDonald and Kevin Nealon did adequately. Amy Poehler and Tina Fey killed it. Or, to be more precise, Jon Stewart killed it. The writers are better on the daily show (and the Colbert report) and they can't compete. Kill the segment, put it out of its misery. Do it now.
What you're left with is a show that can have funny sketches, take some chances and try to be funny. They can't do any worse, can they?
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September 28th, 2006
10:12 pm - Ah, the new fall TV season.
The new shows have landed, and I'm watching.. uh.. not many of them. In fact, I think the only show I'm watching is 'Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip', which is good because it is absolutely REAMING SNL. I've never been a huge Sorkin wonk, (I enjoyed SportsNight for about a season and a half, and I watched all of 2 minutes ever of the West Wing) but you've got to admire a guy that is either egotistical or stupid enough to pattern major characted after himself. Any other shows? Eh.. I'll watch Top Chef when it premieres, but that's about it.
I still haven't watched the finale of Project Runway, but I'll wager quite a bit that Uli walks away with it all. I mean, LA chinless guy and skeletor's wife can't win...
Yawn. Its been a long week...looking forward to the weekend...
And I'll get that clip to you sometime, MB
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September 25th, 2006
10:47 pm - Suze Orman is a heartless bitch!
So, I was reading the Yahoo! finance columnists at work today. (I admit, I usually have a bunch of free time at work, only because I've taken on a simulation role in one of my projects, so it usually involves changing a line of code, hitting return and waiting 15 minutes) I know that they've hired a bit of an antisocial bunch of columnists (just check out the recent archives of 'How the Rich get Richer' to see how much the guy is pounding his 'poor people are lazy' thesis') but I think here recent column takes the cake.
http://finance.yahoo.com/columnist/article/moneymatters/9951
Okay, let's forget the fact that she's treating having children as essentially nothing more than a burden on you, but she's also saying your parents are nothing more than money vacuums. Yoy! I know the entire purpose of a financial columnist is to tell you how to make money, but.. you know.. how about a stock tip there, Suze?
It got me thinking about my own financial situation. I'm now earning (and saving money), and I seem to save money.. to... well.. save it. Coming from a rather skin-flintish background, I never suspected that I'll spend a whole lot of money, but then again maybe I'm being a little boring. I have to find some sort of happy medium...
This weekend *did* fufill my summertime goal. I out-lazied the cat over the weekend. With Princeton gone on business I did nothing but watch football, eat and gamble on sports. The first two went rather well. Plus, I know I out lazied the cat since he had to eventually groom himself, which I was too occupied to do. Cat 1 : Tizzy 1
I finally got my XM radio set up in my car. I'm liking it, although I think I listen Wayyyyyy too much to the comedy channel. It is dangerous. I almost stayed in my car in the work parking lot when I wanted to hear the rest of the Richard Pryor routine about a wino confronting Dracula. Sounds strange, but one of the funniest things I heard...
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September 21st, 2006
09:20 pm - So, my Earth-shattering news?
Well, it was kind of anticlimactic. As I was walking around Lark st the other day, Princeton ducked into a coffee shop to get a drink. On the bulletin board there was one of those flyers where you tear off a tab, and save a phone number, usually for something like a 1992 Honda Civic that someone is trying to sell. In this case it held the website for the Albany Star Trek/Sci fi meetup group.
Oh, geez. I couldn't miss this opportunity to check this website out.
Actually, it turned out to be rather disappointing. Not as many pictures of geeky people/people that I work with as I would've liked... damn.
So, what else is up with me? I'm going to possibly have an in at a club here, and try to resurrect the DJ career. Its fallen by the wayside recently for a couple of reasons.
1) Bad Clubs - there really isn't a dance-friendly club in Albany like there was in State College
2) Bad Music - There have been 3 or 4 tracks I've liked enough to consider buying in the past 6 months
3) I am lame - I fall asleep at 9:00... not amenable to a nocturnal lifestyle.
So, we'll see if I can parlay who I know into something. We'll see...
I've got the weekend all to myself, as Princeton is going home/going away for business. Me and the cat all day long on the couch. I can't wait...
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September 19th, 2006
12:48 am - My weekend in a nutshell...
My weekend started off early - the curlers had a golf outing, and even though rain was imminent, it turned out to be a nice day as I trudged through an over-par round, which my score was sub-par (although I did take my friend at work for about 7 bucks on the round, so it wasn't all bad).
Afterwards, there was a getogether for dinner at the club, and I saw some friends I had missed during the summer. Yeah, I had fun curling, but I also had fun with the people. One of the girls tried to set me up with one of her colleagues a couple of weeks ago, which was funny. I told her I was taken, along with the note : "Do you realize how insane I actually am?" I've never been set up on a blind date like this. Yes, I did go through the "I want a blind date phase, but I never actually did have a BLIND date. I think that setting me up with a friend is a lot like going to see a Will Ferrell movie. Sure, it might seem fun and charming, but it'll scar you for life.
Anywhoo.... I got offered a slot on a team, and I'm looking forward to the start of the season in a month...
The rest of the weekend can be summed up in one word : gambling.
I pokered it up with friends on Friday night, and spent the rest of the week betting and panic betting on football. I was up slightly for the weekend, and went 5-0 on baseball bets. That aught to tell you how well I did on football. On sunday, I had 1 bet going for the early games (Minnesota +1.5). The game looked bad, so I panic bet on the second half games. Those weren't looking good, so I panic bet during the halves. I went 3-0 on halftime.. which allowed me to break even yesterday. I can't handle that crap anymore, but it makes Sundays way more fun..
The other event this weekend was "Larkfest" a couple of free concerts on a street in Albany. Not that exciting, as the headliner was Everclear. I didn't stick around, but I talked to a guy who went to see them. Apparently, people started crowd surfing. The lead singer stopped and said "DOn't crowd surf, that is so 1999.", to which someone in the crowd yelled out "So is Everclear!"
There was one great life-altering thing that happened at larkfest. I'll share this later, but the sheer magnitude of this cannot be underestimated....
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September 14th, 2006
09:05 pm - real time, and other observations..
Eh, it wasn't so much of a good show. Rob Thomas, yes the guy who sang the most annoying song of Summer 99', is on the panel. He said about 3 things throughout the entire show, and that's about all the attention I've paid. I used to love that show, but it seems as though they're telling all of the same jokes over and over now. Yeah, we get it.. not being able to carry on hair gel sucks.. yadda yadda.
So, I'm betting on sports again to pass the time. I've figured out why I love the sports betting so. The best point in gambling isn't the win, it isn't the loss, its the point *halfway* in between. You've made your bet, and the first dies has been cast, and you're waiting to see what'll come down next. Well, with sports betting, that moment lasts 1-3 hours. I think that's why its so addictive...
I'm supposed to be golfing with curlers tomorrow, but I think we're going to get rain. I wonder how curlers golf. If they golf like they curl, there will be a lot of beer involved...
How do you know I got a new job? Only at this job would the big water cooler talk be about selling GE Silicones for 3.6 billion dollars today. (Easy joke : I knew Pam Anderson had work done, but THAT is ridiculous). I think I need to have a garage sale. Maybe I can get 3.6 billion dollars, too..
This weekend will make the third consecutive weekend where I want to/will do nothing. Ain't life grand?
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September 12th, 2006
08:58 pm - I got the best birthday gift ever!
My birthday was a scant 11 days ago, and I'm soaking in all of the glory of being 30. I fill in the (30-39) age bracket on online forms.. uh... I tried to get the AARP discount at Denny's the other day, but they made me pay the extra buck for my grand slam skillet anyways.
The reason I talk about this is because I got my final gift the other day, and it is the best gift a young boy can ask for. I got a pair of curling shoes! Woop! I've been a little silent on the whole curling thing recently, what with it being summer and all, and ice being hard to find, but I'm really itching to get back to on the ice. It'll fill the winter void of golf, for a seemingly easy sport. There aren't as many good gambling options in curling, well, not if you're a shitty player like me, so I'll have to devise some gambling.
Or, I can just bet on football, like I have been for the past weeks....more on this coming, but my college record right now is 5-4 (0-2 in games involving Notre Dame, but 2-0 fading Miss State), and my pro record is 3-1 (wins : Bears, Chargers, Eagles, Loss: Titans), leaving me at a nice 8-5 record for this year. I'll keep up on the games. I don't like many of the pro games this weekend, but I might hit some overs before the weekend. I've already jumped on Miami+5 and Pitt-2 for this Saturday in college. I'll keep the bets online as a nice way to track. I'll post more as the need for action increases. In the spirit of my last post, I'll probably keep fading the pack...
Anyways, the end of that gambling digression. Let me get back to the curling shoes. You have to get the right curling shoes, as there's teflon on one of the soles. I got left-foot-slider shoes, because that's how I remembered I slid, and then I freaked that I got the wrong foot. I spent some time thinking that I might have to change from left-footed from being right-footed, but I slide with my left foot anyways. I am right-footed when it comes to things like kicking balls, but I *do* lead with the left foot when I curl.
This brings up an interesting anecdote. I know so much about this footed issue because I once did a high school science fair project about linking footedness with handedness. I'd roll a ball to someone and have them kick it back...and sometimes bias the roll to either foot.
At least that's what my project said. I, in fact, made up the entire project. Well, maybe not all of it, as I did some cursory background research, but since the statute of limitations on my high school diploma has passed, I guess I can reveal the big fugazi job in 9th grade. I remember getting a decent grade on the project, although I never did anything like go to a regional competition, which is good, because that was Schon's big problem. He went for big papers, I, on the other hand went for a science fair project. I never really felt any qualms about it, as I hated the concept of science fair projects. To me, they were forced scientific experiments, where people with resources had a whole lot of advantage over people without resources.
Wait a second, that's a huge microcosm for the ENITRE scientific community! Yet, now I revel in being paid to do experiments that I really don't wholly care about, and the advantage is given to people with money and resources. Funny how things change when you get money...
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